Lost Soul
by Nyah-Cullen
Summary: "I thought you had a soul, where did it go?" "I never had a soul, Elena. You willingly shared yours with me and you showed me how wonderful it is to feel that someone actually cares for you. But one day, I lost you and therefore I lost it." Oneshot.


Summary : "I thought you had a soul, where did it go?" "I never had a soul, Elena. You willingly shared yours with me and you showed me how wonderful it is to feel that someone actually cares for you. But one day, I lost you and therefore I lost it." It takes place after last episode, but without Rose being bitten by Jules.

Disclaimer : The Vampire Diaries belong to The CW & LJ Smith!

A/N : Well, a new story. I was tired of waiting and one day, this popped into my mind so... Here it is! I really hope you'll like it! I wanna apologize for all the italics. Some of them are memories, words I wanted to insist on or even thoughts but I guess you'll get which one is... which one. Lol. Anyway, I think I'm gonna write more in the next days because you know what? I finished my book and sent to an editor, yay! You must not care but I'm so happy I can't stop telling people. Lol. BTW, english isn't my native language so, I apologize for all the mistakes I must have done! Enjoy :)

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He was staring at the fire, an empty glass in his right hand. A bottle of scotch that had been emptied was broken into pieces on the carpet, next to the couch. He still had blood on the corner of his mouth and on his shirt. He didn't make a move when she entered the room. He didn't actually give a damn and that _frightened_ her. Earlier that day, Damon had drained and killed a dozen persons. Mystic Falls' inhabitants were afraid of a wild and crazy animal on the loose. They were not far from the truth but _yet_, she had to know. She knew some of the one he killed and that made her sad. But yet. She had to confront him.

"Damon?" she said. But he seemed not to have noticed her. Stefan wasn't home, he didn't know she was coming to see his brother or I'd have stopped her. He never trusted him with Elena when he was in that kind of state of mind. He thought she was safe with Alaric when he was trying to cover Damon's traces up.

"Damon, look at me." But he remained silent. She approached him and sat on the couch next to him. She took the glass out of his hand but he didn't react. She waited for a couple seconds and then threw the glass in the fire. It burst and he finally turned his face to her. He reeked alcohol but she stayed. When anyone else who be afraid of him, when she should have run away because of the memories of the night he snapped Jeremy's neck rushing to her mind, she stayed.

"What's happened to you?" she tried to read his mind through his eyes but it was a blank stare. His piercing blue eyes were empty. She wanted to shake him to wake him up but she knew it would have no effect on him. She needed to understand why. Everything had been quite normal – for Mystic Falls – those days, they were on the right path about their friendship and then... She made a deal with Elijah and Stefan got out of the tomb. Why would that have pissed him off?

"Talk to me! It's like you're numb. Why don't you answer me? Why did you kill them?" she started to be angry. "I wanna help you. I do!"

"What do you want me to say, Elena? I went on a killing spree because I needed to empty my head, I felt good for a second." he said. He was trying to shut himself off but he couldn't. He remembered the time where things were easier : be monster and find a way to get Katherine out of the tomb. He had no remorse after a killing spree back then.

"Yeah, I get it but- I don't know. What happened? What triggered that behavior?" she asked. She was craving an explanation. Deep inside she feared it was her fault. Actually, she knew it was her fault but she couldn't accept it. She wanted him to reassure her and tell her that Rose did something or Stefan or Katherine. Anybody but not her. She didn't want to be the one to hurt him again.

"I don't know. I guess I followed my instincts." he answered. He was telling her the truth, he had no idea why he did that. Something in his head told him he would feel better if he killed that much people and drank their blood. Well, it worked but it only lasted a second. Then, all the weight of his acts and his worries fell back on his shoulders.

"You killed twelve persons. I knew two of them, we weren't close but their death pains me. Even more because you're the one who bled them dry." she said with a sound of reproach in her voice. He chuckled. She frowned, what was funny in what she just said?

"Do you think everything I do revolves around you? Are you that self-centered? I'm not going to feel bad only because it hurt you. I'm not that whipped, dear. Lucky you because none of your closest were in my way. Otherwise, they'd be _six feet under_." he whispered in her ear and she realized he was back. It sent shivers down her spine. The innuendos in his voice reminded her of the night he tried to compel her to kiss him. He murdered a man in cold blood that night.

"I thought you had a soul, where did it go? I thought you even had feelings toward Mystic Falls' inhabitants, the will to protect them. I dare say I was wrong." she breathed, on the verge of leaving. He had disappointed her. She believed in him.

"I never had a soul, Elena. You willingly shared yours with me and you showed me how wonderful it is to feel that someone actually cares for you. But one day, I lost you and therefore I lost it. I'd like to be on my own, now." and he went back to staring blankly at the fire. She was bewildered. It was her fault. She couldn't move, she hurt him once more. She had hurt him for the last time. He would never let her in again. She never lent him her soul. He must have had one, hidden behind all the walls he had built.

"I am sorry. I guess it won't make it up for all the pain and the hurt I seem to have caused you, but I am truly sorry. I hope you'll find happiness. If you ever decide to leave, at least say goodbye." she muttered under her breath but she knew he had heard her. She stood up and started to walk away but before she stepped out of the house, she stopped.

"I'd like to tell a story. Once upon a time there was a man who had been badly hurt. There was a girl who was foolish enough to take his friendship for granted and blamed him for every mistakes he did. She didn't realize how much he tried to do the right thing. She blamed him for making her feel things she thought she had lost forever. He would have died for her, he almost did more than once. She wished he was a better man when she should have wished to be a better girl. She never deserved such a friend. He deserved the best." Then she left. She felt tears coming. She couldn't let him see she was crying. Everything she said was true. She knew she would miss him if he ever left her but he had every right to leave her behind. Katherine tore his soul out of his chest. She ate his heart while he was watching and vomited it after, just to show him she would never love him. Elena came after with her bright eyes and eased the pain. She healed his wounds one by one with her smile. _He's an ass!_ She stitched his sores with her words. _You and I... We have something, an understanding._ She hugged away the pain like morphine. _I'm sorry._

And one bitter day, he broke the rules and she undid everything. _You have lost me forever._ Of course, she could bring him back to life but he wouldn't let her because he knew that if she let him fall once again, he wouldn't survive it. There was only one thing that could save him. She held the key of his rescue in her soft hands. Love. Even though he acknowledged it, he would never tell her nor let her love him. As he told her, he didn't deserve her, but Stefan did.

She could not face Stefan when her mind was in that mess. _No_, her head screamed. _Your mind isn't in a pretty disorder, but your heart is!_ She wanted to run back to the boarding house and soothe him but she had no right to. She broke him. She was no better than Katherine, she had faced it now. She must live with the weight of her secret now and forever. She wanted him. She had always felt attracted by him. But she loved Stefan and to be her soulmate, Damon needed a soul.

She was lost in her thoughts when she heard a car approaching. She had been sitting in her car, unable to move, for the past minutes. She climbed out of the car to see who was coming and widened her eyes when she saw Bonnie. She was _freaking_ angry.

"Elena, why are you here? Why are you crying? Did that monster hurt you? Did he force himself on you? I'm going to destroy him!" she muttered. Bonnie clenched her fists and Elena could almost feel her anger.

"Relax, Bon. He didn't do anything to me. I was... Sad and lost. I cried, that's all." Elena explained. She touched her shoulder to calm her down but it had no effect on her friend.

"He killed twelve persons and how many in the past hundred fifty years? He snapped Jeremy's neck! He almost killed me! It has to stop, Elena. Grams died because of him and his obsession with Katherine. I'll put a end to the blood bath." Bonnie left Elena where she was standing and headed to the boarding house. She was a barrel of rage, she would have reduced to ashes anyone who would come in her way. Elena knew that but she didn't care.

"Don't do that, Bonnie! You know you don't want to. I thought you and Damon had... Bonded? You've always hated each other but he helped us through everything. He saved my life countless times! You can blame him for all the death, but you can't kill him." Elena pleaded. She would never allow her best friend to kill Damon. She would never allow _anyone_ to hurt him _anymore_. She remembered Atlanta when she had begged for his life. She would never regret it and she was ready to do it all over again.

"Why? Why should I spare him?" Bonnie asked.

"Because it's my fault. If I hadn't been so alike with Katherine, he would have killed all of them. I'm sorry Bonnie but if you have anybody to blame and kill for tonight's blood bath, it has to be me." Elena stated.

Bonnie stared at her in disbelief. She couldn't believe her ears... Elena was willing to save him once again after all he'd done? No, that wasn't happening... She read the answer in her friend's eyes. Yes, that was happening.

"I can't spare him, Elena. I- I swore I'd protect this town from vampires at all cost. He's dangerous, he has to be taken care of. I mean, killed. You have to understand me." Even though she had calmed down, she couldn't let him go freely.

"If you want, cast a spell on us. He'll only be able to hurt me, no one else. Or whenever he wants to drain someone, he'll see my face instead the person's." Elena implored. Bonnie thought about it for a moment but she couldn't find a way. Luka may have known something but she wasn't sure about it. By the way, she couldn't do it. What if he didn't care enough about Elena anymore to stop himself from killing her? What if the hunger was too strong?

"I can't. Don't try to stop me. I don't want to hurt you." Bonnie said.

"Please, Bonnie. What can I do or say to change your mind?" Elena was desperate. She couldn't forgive nor forget what he'd done but she didn't want him to be _gone. _A life for a life... Isn't that a silly rule? Alright, he had taken more than one life.

"Stop it, Elena!" Bonnie tried to push Elena aside in order to get in the boarding house but Elena was strong and she didn't move.

"I won't let you hurt him. He's already been hurt too much!" Elena yelled at her. She almost slapped Bonnie but she managed not to let her emotions take the control.

"You- You like him?"

"Define like!" Elena bit her lower lip. That wasn't happening, that wasn't happening, she tried to persuade herself.

"Elena, are you in _love_ with Damon?" Bonnie said those words as if they were disgusting. She had listened to Caroline debating on Damon, Stefan and Elena when they had spent time together, she had seen the two of them together but she _would_ never have taken those rumors seriously.

"I'm not! But please, don't hurt him. Please, Bon, do it for me." Elena answered her question too fast but Bonnie finally gave up. She wouldn't kill Damon that night.

She took Elena in her arms and did what a good friend should do, she let her cry and tried to soothe her. They wouldn't accept it. Elena couldn't love Damon. She could only be in love with Stefan, the good brother. He had a soul, he had feelings, he cared about people whereas Damon... Damon... Cared about Elena more than _anything_.

And when he heard the whole conversation between the two friends, he felt _it_ coming back. His soul. She was saving him from Hell. Stefan may have had her but in the end, the girl would lay next to him and whisper those fucking three words in his ear. Damon and Elena. Elena and Damon. They were inevitable, they had to happen, as sure as everyone would die someday. Even though he was an enormously stubborn pain in the ass, she wouldn't be able to stop the process : she'd love him back.

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Please, leave a review! Doesn't the last lines remind something to someone? Lol.

Nyah-Cullen


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